I recently had the opportunity to hear Dr Gabor Maté speak at the Barbican centre, London. I wanted to share, some of the key take-aways from the talk Dr Maté gave, as I heard them (text in bold are direct quotes):
- Dr Maté described trauma as being experienced by children in this way: ‘You can be traumatised when bad things happen that shouldn’t and when good things don’t happen and they should.’
- The difference between trauma and the traumatic event: for example, 'If I have an accident and hit my head – this is the traumatic event. The concussion sustained is the trauma. Trauma is the wound sustained by the traumatic event.
- 'What can the pain of life teach us when it comes along?' (Dr Maté did caveat this with a reminder that he did not advocate ‘seeking’ of pain.)
- Dr Maté described addiction as ‘any behaviour that causes short term relief, but long term suffering, combined with a refusal to give up that behaviour.’ Addiction is an attempt to avoid pain and discomfort by self-soothing with another behaviour that temporarily provides pleasure. It is for this reason, that addiction is not, in the opinion of Dr Maté, a disease. During the talk – Dr Maté asked the audience to raise their hands, if they felt during their lives, if they had experienced addiction according to his definition. Almost everyone – including myself – raised their hand. Furthermore, Dr Maté also outlined, that he felt that addiction did not have to be forever. Science to do with Neuroplasticity shows us that new neural pathways in the brain can be formed through new behaviours: 'It is possible to heal from addiction.'
- Dr Maté went on to say that he felt that the answer to healing, or how to heal, is self-compassion.
- Dr Maté said: ‘Stay vulnerable. Vulnerabiity represents the possibility for growth.’
- During the Q&A portion of the talk, Dr Maté was asked by a member of the audience about how to manage feeling triggered by family members, which led to a brief back-and-forth about the conceptualisation of what it means to be triggered. Dr Maté asked the audience member: ‘Where does this word come from?’ (A gun) ‘How big is the trigger in comparison to the rest of the gun?’ (Small) ‘What is inside the gun?’ (Ammunition) – and finally – ‘Who is holding the gun?’ (I am). Which raises some interesting questions to consider when we think about how it is to be triggered - and what can we do about it when it happens.
To paraphrase Dr Maté’s response around this: we are responsible for how we manage what triggers us. We may manage this with anger, (which may be an appropriate response – if let’s say, someone treats us badly and we say, ‘’you can’t treat me like that’’), boundaries around what is or isn’t acceptable, withdrawal from any given situation, or asking others around us for help and support. My take on this was that ultimately we have to know and understand what difficulties or triggers we may have, in order to manage them safely when they arise.
If you have an interest in understanding trauma and you ever get the opportunity to hear Dr Maté speak - I highly recommend it. He's a compelling, articulate and considered speaker.
If the above raises any questions, or you'd like to leave a comment - please do so.
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